I lost my hair but they gave me soup

 Things are continuing as they were, bloody noses, tummy troubles, sore mouth and throat, weepy eyes, and super tired. BUT, there have been tender mercies along the way. The bloody noses are mostly manageable and I am able to get the bleeding to stop pretty easily. The sore mouth was a problem, but "magic mouth wash" prescribed by Doctor has helped - amazing what lidocaine can do for a person. When the compounding pharmacist talked to me about it they were quite thorough in my instructions for use, storage, etc. I was honestly semi skeptical about it, but it really did help to be able to try and numb some of the pain and discomfort.

Thanks to the plentiful soreness in my mouth, brushing my teeth - especially with a minty toothpaste felt like a horrible prospect. I will admit to even tears some times when it was time to brush, but I was able to find a tube of children's toothpaste that didn't burn my tongue and made brushing feel like less of a chore. I have been tired, but I have a family who are willing to step in and do things to help take care of one another so that I can rest.

My hair has started to fall out again in earnest. Seeing the hairs that have started to fall out again has been fascinating. When a hair falls out you can see a visual representation of where my body has been over the last few months. At the furthest point from my head the hair is fine and wispy like a baby's hair. By the middle of the length the hair is darker, denser, and healthy looking. Then as you continue down the hair there are pieces where the hair tried to grow but wasn't able to and looks more and more broken and fragile until it finally broke off from my head. I know that our bodies often show what we have been going through with messages that we don't always mean to convey, but it was interesting to see it play out so visually in my hair follicles. 

Last week I was really craving soup. It is the middle of July and I want a bowl of soup - makes perfect sense because when you can't eat very well without choking a bit and can't make enough saliva to make food moist enough to swallow, soup is a great idea. I just wanted something to eat that wasn't so much of a chore. I ate some canned soups because it seemed silly to make a giant pot of something. But I was getting sick of the idea of yet another can. I said a prayer asking what I could eat that would help me. I wanted to find out what I needed without having to put a ton of effort into making something. 

I finished my prayer and immediately I got a notification that Friend had texted me. She wanted to know if it was ok for her to randomly bring me some soup. I kid you not when I say that I started crying. Friend brought me soup and once again I felt so loved and cared for. I ate the soup like a starving person, it was so good! It was one I would not have thought to make for myself but was exactly what my body was needing.

When I ate my way through that soup and was feeling a bit iffy about what I was going to do next, I had another Friend come by. Friend brought bread and more soup of a different variety. Again, exactly at the time when I needed it. 

While feeling like garbage has been hard, God has blessed me. His people come and rescue us constantly and we feel buoyed up despite the hard things happening right now. I may lose all of my hair once again - actually I am planning to shave it all off again because it's annoying to me to have it constantly falling out and into my eyes. But even without hair,  I still know that I am a beloved daughter of God.