When is it time for fireworks?

In the middle of June we started back with chemo treatments. I am on Taxotere. So far no lung effects, or other major issues. I have been having weekly treatments and we are hoping to be done with them by the end of August. Because of the break in everything being so long, I was feeling pretty strong by the time I had the first treatment. Here we are a month later and I am feeling the chemo effects this round.

I had some stomach issues before from the chemo but by the time I got the routine figured out and what I would do or take and when for it, things changed. I am still having those symptoms, but I have been feeling more symptoms creeping up into the more than annoying category. 

I have neuropathy from treatments, watery eyes, bloody noses, sores in my mouth, nose and throat, and heartburn that doesn't seem to quit. The neuropathy thankfully is temporary and likely caused by swelling after each treatment. It goes away within a couple of days so it has been manageable. The other parts like eyes that won't stop watering are causing their own challenges. 

When your eyes water this much it gets hard to see sometimes, I wipe with soft things the tears that seem to collect in my eyes to keep from having sore skin on my face, but it doesn't keep the immediate area around my eyes from feeling raw. The nose bleeds have thankfully been minor and mostly caused by sores I can get a cotton swab to so I can apply salves to help the skin be less dry and uncomfortable. I watch what I eat with the heartburn, but I still end up taking medicine for it fairly often.

When I went into chemo last week I complained that the mouth rinse from the dentist is only giving temporary relief from my soreness of my tongue. Think back to when you have scalded  your tongue on something much too hot, that burning sensation and tenderness last a couple of days and your mouth heals and you move on and just expend a little more caution when eating or drinking. My tongue feels like the burn of that, the inflamed, sore, swollen tastebuds, dry and forever tender. Eating is a chore, my sense of taste has mostly disappeared from it so a lot of foods are very unappealing. Between the heartburn and the sore tongue even bland foods are sometimes a challenge to eat.

The other big challenge I have been facing is fatigue. Someone described fatigue versus tired in a way I appreciated. Tired is a feeling you have when you just need some sleep to feel better. Fatigue is a feeling of being very tired, but no matter how many naps you take you won't feel better from it. I am fatigued. 

We have been slowly starting to work on the rest of the upstairs portion of our remodel. I pretend I am a really good helper a lot of the time and Husband does pretty much everything. I sit and tell him measurements or help him think through the next steps. It's frustrating for me. I want to be up helping and doing and working hard, breaking a sweat right next to him, and I can't seem to find the energy. One day while he was working on the remodel, our big Kids were helping Husband and I was "supervisor." I was such a good supervisor that I eventually grabbed a pillow and laid down on the carpet where I could see what they were up to. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the middle of the floor wondering where everyone had gone to. This fatigue thing is no joke, and yet I can deal with being fatigued way better than I can with the nausea and mouth sores.

Six out of the twelve rounds of Taxotere down, we are halfway there. Here is hoping and praying that we can finish out strong and I will be able to see this through so we can move on and finish this war against cancer. I told Husband that when it is all said and done, we will have a big cancer-free, wedding anniversary and my milestone birthday to celebrate. I told him it feels like it will be so big we will need to find a huge way to celebrate - like cue the fireworks big. In the mean time I am going to need to start dreaming up what we will do to celebrate and find a way to make that a reality.

We are so thankful for the love, support, numerous prayers, meals, flowers, thoughtful gifts and kind words. Thank you for the grace shown me when I don't have it in me to respond, or do the things I would normally do. People giving rides and hanging out with my family. Friends who are survivors of cancer who lend a listening and understanding ear when I just need to have someone commiserate with what I'm feeling or going through, you have saved my sanity more than once. Thank you all for understanding that chemo saps my strength and sometimes messes with my brain being able and functioning like I would like it to be. 

In the mean time, God is good. We are so blessed to have been given what we need when we need it, and He is taking care of me minute by minute. 

I hope you can take some time to see His hand in your life today. Know that you are His child, and that you are loved immeasurably. Maybe you can share some of your love and light with someone else who you come across today. I know it always helps me when it's shared with me.